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Unusual Species - suetekh
suetekh
suetekh
Unusual Species
Albert continues on his killing spree. 

Got home about 11 last night from a weekend away, and Mum was standing in the doorway of their cottage cuddling said Ferocious Killer.  'Come and see what he killed this weekend' she said, with proud glee at her baby's prowess, as she took me round to the bins at the back of the cottage.  She lifted the lid off the bin with a flourish liken to that of a maitre de uncovering a particularly fine dish to reveal  the corpse of a very startled looking squirrel.  Death in the form of Albert really took the poor fuzzy-tailed rat  by  surprise.  Imagine him getting to the afterlife, scratching his head and saying to the other squirrels 'what the fuck just happened?'


But that's not all!  Looking less startled and more damned pissed off was a frigging stoat.  Fabulous little animal, and from the look on its face, it didn't go into that great good night at all peacefully.   I've only ever seen one once, zipping across a road late at night, moving with sinewey speed and grace.  Seemed to awful to consign it to the trash, so have stuck him in the freezer next to the pork loins and have made arrangements to have him stuffed.  As the only speaking part I've ever had in any school play was as Chief Weasel in Toad of Toad Hall, I am having him done in an human pose with a top hat, cane and monocle!  Sad that the only way I've seen one up close is either with a Bill Oddie commentary or dead...did pick him up to look at its little paws and face..and ok, did confess I was making 'roaw pftt phtt' noises and threatening mum with beastie...now what was that Saki short story about the little boy who worshipped his pet ferret/stoat as a god? As yes... Sredni Vastar.  Hmmm...maybe I should have a little Sredni stoat instead as a household totem???

Actually I need to check whether it is a stoat, or its cousin the Least Weasel...I love that, not the 'Lesser Weasel', or 'the Short-Tailed Weasel, which is the American term for the stoat, but the Least Weasel...sounds like the title of a kid's book about the little ferret that could...

It's a source of much intrigue as to just what that  cat is going to drag in next!


EDIT: oooOOooo - blimey, there's an audio file of Shredni Vashtar being read as a Late night Story by...Tom Baker!!!  Fantastic! 

Linkage: http://www.fulldls.com/files-ebooks-358421.htm (clicky linky)l
23 comments or Leave a comment
Comments
veridianeyes From: veridianeyes Date: June 16th, 2008 02:07 pm (UTC) (Link)
Lol, you realise he will now consider it his job to provide you with interesting specimins for taxidermy.
suetekh From: suetekh Date: June 16th, 2008 02:26 pm (UTC) (Link)
...he'll have to work hard to top my ginger tom, that once pulled a live seagull through the cat flap - that was incredibly impressive, even if messy...

...oh, and a salmon, and an eel...that was one hard core kitty
veridianeyes From: veridianeyes Date: June 16th, 2008 02:34 pm (UTC) (Link)
My, that is impressive.
(Deleted comment)
suetekh From: suetekh Date: June 16th, 2008 02:24 pm (UTC) (Link)
bwahahahaha!

Can't wait to see the results
failing_angel From: failing_angel Date: June 16th, 2008 02:16 pm (UTC) (Link)

Know your rodents

Are you sure it's a stoat?
I understand that they're weaselly mistaken...


Having got that obligatory gag out the way - I like your plans for his immortality :)
suetekh From: suetekh Date: June 16th, 2008 02:25 pm (UTC) (Link)

Re: Know your rodents

bu dum tish! /groan/...

see now I'm torn between making a graven idol of him, or the top hat and monocle idea...oh, what to do?
failing_angel From: failing_angel Date: June 16th, 2008 02:31 pm (UTC) (Link)

Re: Know your rodents

Thank you, I'm here all week.

I think the top hat and monocle - it's more entertaining - you could call it Boris...
I'm sure there'll be more to idolise.
suetekh From: suetekh Date: June 16th, 2008 02:45 pm (UTC) (Link)

Re: Know your rodents

ah, but I was thinking of a tiny silk turban with a feather and jewel, and a pleated sash across his chest...I only hope that when the taxidermist gets the body, it hasn't been too badly mauled by Albert
failing_angel From: failing_angel Date: June 16th, 2008 10:24 pm (UTC) (Link)

Re: Know your rodents

Now that would work.
Perhaps a companion with a fez?

I only hope that when the taxidermist gets the body, it hasn't been too badly mauled by Albert
Or that it is confused for a chop...
spangle_kitten From: spangle_kitten Date: June 16th, 2008 02:47 pm (UTC) (Link)

Re: Know your rodents

Maybe just have interchangable outfits to suit your mood?
suetekh From: suetekh Date: June 16th, 2008 06:29 pm (UTC) (Link)

Re: Know your rodents

problem is that he's going to be dressed by the taxidermist, and he's not really going to be poseable after he's 'done', like an action figure, so need to make a decision...
spangle_kitten From: spangle_kitten Date: June 16th, 2008 06:59 pm (UTC) (Link)

Re: Know your rodents

I knew they weren't relly poseable but I had this image of him in a particular stance that would work for both ideas and little tiny clothes that could fit on him (with velcro strips or press studs to get round angles)- but I guess you'd probably have to have them sewn on tight to fit right.
vampiara From: vampiara Date: June 18th, 2008 09:37 am (UTC) (Link)

Re: Know your rodents

in fact the differnece is that ones is stoatlly differnt ha ha ha just thought I would add the other part!
suetekh From: suetekh Date: June 18th, 2008 10:47 am (UTC) (Link)

Re: Know your rodents

funnily enough, I had one of those moments where I came up with exactly the same pun after I'd already commented on failing_angel's comment. Am now wracking brains for ways to work in 'ermine', 'ferret' or 'martin'
failing_angel From: failing_angel Date: June 18th, 2008 12:11 pm (UTC) (Link)

Re: Know your rodents

I know, ferret can be very tricky work figuring out puns.

I've been left umin' and ermine about the rest though.
suetekh From: suetekh Date: June 18th, 2008 12:34 pm (UTC) (Link)

Re: Know your rodents

bastard!
failing_angel From: failing_angel Date: June 18th, 2008 01:20 pm (UTC) (Link)

Re: Know your rodents

I prefer to think of myself as a "Doity rat"


Was that for getting there, or just for the 'quality' of the puns?

Edited at 2008-06-18 01:20 pm (UTC)
gmul From: gmul Date: June 16th, 2008 04:36 pm (UTC) (Link)
One of the cats I once lived with brought home a lump of cheese.

Still in the plastic shrink-wrap...
suetekh From: suetekh Date: June 16th, 2008 06:30 pm (UTC) (Link)
heheheheh...

...Tolly cat once brought in a silver St Christopher on a chain. Goodness knows who he stole that off...a proper cat burglar, though...
inkymitts From: inkymitts Date: June 16th, 2008 06:41 pm (UTC) (Link)
I think they can be mounted in a maleable or moveable way

http://fish-go-pook.livejournal.com/profile

fairly sure I've see some of hers done like that!
suetekh From: suetekh Date: June 16th, 2008 06:43 pm (UTC) (Link)
hahahah! That's who will be get stoat-mail very shortly...

...I want a little collection of Albert-kills stuffed and mounted so plenty of time for all manners of dressings up!
inkymitts From: inkymitts Date: June 16th, 2008 06:51 pm (UTC) (Link)
aha! awesome!
wieselkind From: wieselkind Date: June 17th, 2008 09:16 pm (UTC) (Link)
On the one hand poor little weasel/stoat, on the other I am going to be awfully jealous of him once he's done and dressed.
23 comments or Leave a comment